You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
