The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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