If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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