Dude my mom stole all your condoms
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
