I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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