Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
