I'm so fucking centered right now
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
