I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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