If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
