This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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