I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
