That's intense
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
