kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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