literally had 100 drinks last night.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
