I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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