so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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