yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
