Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
