Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
