people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
