I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
