I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
