THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
