he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
