Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
