I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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