you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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