does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Panties = found
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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