literally had 100 drinks last night.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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