I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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