Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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