i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
