that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
