I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We have so much sex to catch up on
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
