he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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