No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize