So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
