Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
When did angry sex become our thing?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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