My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
