i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
