Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
