he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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