I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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