I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
wow bdsm is so cute
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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