Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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