You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
