Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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