girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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