Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
