Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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