i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Operation Purity has been aborted
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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