And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
