im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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