he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
FUCK WHALES
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
