He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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