ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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