You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
