if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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