He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
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I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
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The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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