i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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