Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just found puke in my bra..
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
