Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
