just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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