He told me they were just razor bumps!
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
