We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
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