She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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