just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
